In my household we do come pretty close to equally shared parenting. Peter does 80 % of the laundry and all of the grocery shopping. He makes Webber's lunch for school at least 50% of the time and takes care of all our car parking responsibilities...Of the twenty or so doctor's appointments, he has missed about two, and I've missed none. He does most of the dishes..I do most of the cooking and cleaning. On the latter, I do occasionally ask for help with vacuuming or scrubbing the tub...I pay for most of the child-related expenses (pre-school, health insurance, babysitters) and keep track of our needs for diapers, new clothes or toys. We each end up having one night a week out by ourselves..We usually get a sitter one night a week so we can go out together. We share the task of bill paying and responsibilities related to Webber's school. We walk Webber to and from school as a family...I must say I have less alone time. Peter's much better at playing with kids for concentrated amounts of time. I'm distracted and always trying to combine activities...In my defense, I must say that I have less alone time. I'm more likely to take the kids out for the day--combining my library visits with theirs and running errands with a thirty-minute stop at the playground. For Peter and me, sharing the chores of parenting pretty much works: if we were keeping score, which I occasionally do, it would come out sixty-forty, with me on the sixty side.
Amy Richards, Opting In: Having a Child Without Losing Yourself
Amy Richards is a writer, feminist and activist. Her recounting of her work-life balance is a comforting thing to read. It proves that, in some cases, it is possible to parent while being professionally productive. She does note though that her situation differs from most. She is the main breadwinner in her household. Her husband, Peter, has flexible working hours since he sells wine and teaches music. They also don't have a lot of disposable income, which is a good thing. "We find creative ways to make everything that we want to do possible: work, exercise, family time, and alone time," writes Richards.
It does sound like a perfect arrangement, where both parents have the flexibility and the psychological temperament to prioritize happiness over keeping up with the Joneses. There is a consequence, Richard writes, "The biggest compromise Peter and I make in exchange for our shared parenting is long-term financial security. We both could work a bit harder at our jobs or make more compromises in our professional lives, yet we're stuck in the bind of wanting both to be present parents and also to support our family financially. I'm still recovering from a decade of working to build the Third Wave Foundation, and now that I'm a mother, it's not realistic for me to pull consecutive all-nighters. I've proved that I can work hard at my profession, and I know I want to do that again. But for now, I'm content 'working' but not in overdrive."
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